A Moment of Honesty

We all know no one is perfect, but do we still expect perfection from ourselves? Here's an honest reflection of struggle and realizations.

There’s an old song some church mothers used to sing called, “God is a Good God.” It is the kind of song you just can’t help singing. I can still hear the sound of hands clapping and feet stomping on those old floor boards. I can’t quite understand why that song made an impression on me at such a young age. 

Now that I’m older, I can attest that God really is a good God. My family is healthy. We have a home to live in, and a car to drive. Yet, if I’m honest with myself, I haven’t always felt like a recipient of God’s grace. Many days, I’ve wondered how the heck I even got here. It’s a pretty tough pill to swallow when you wake up one day and realize you aren’t even close to reaching your goals.

All of a sudden, a decade vanished. You’re married, with children, and the dreams you once held seem to float further away. What happened to that young, passionate, forward-thinking woman? Somehow she got lost in the hustle and bustle of life. 

Life is definitely a journey. At times, a rat race even. The more I try to get ahead, the more I’m greeted by brick walls. I’ve run into these walls so many times that you can probably see my indentation forming. I keep telling myself there must be a reason why these brick walls continue to appear.

I’ve always been told that everything happens for a reason. Whether good or bad, each experience has a purpose. That purpose will ultimately lead me to where I am meant to be. Not only does every event have a purpose, but God is not surprised by anything. 

I know God has His reasons, but I’ve wondered many times why He would allow bad things to happen to me. I know I’m not Job but dang. Does He not know how hard it is when you only have $30 to buy groceries--for a family of five? Does He not know how disheartening it is when your spouse earns $55 more than the cut-off to receive assistance? Does He not see that childcare tuition means you can’t afford to get a job?

It’s difficult to stay on the straight and narrow when you’re constantly choking on defeat. Yet, no matter how many times I want to throw in the towel, I can’t. Something keeps telling me to hold my head up, to put my trust in God, and to remember the rain won’t last always. 

It hurts. The struggles do not make sense at this moment. But I was chosen for this journey because I can endure it. Victory doesn’t come without lessons learned, joy doesn’t exist without sorrow, and pain precedes beauty. 

Even at my lowest point, God gives me strength. No matter how little my situation seems to change, my story still ends with victory. No matter how unconnected every event in my life seems, my story still ends with victory. No matter how much anguish permeates my body, I am convinced my story still ends with victory. 

I’m reminded that my struggles could always be worse, and they aren't only for my benefit. Even in the toughest moments, I must see the truth that stretches beyond what my natural eyes can see: God is good. 

What truths have you found in your struggles?